I JUST WANNA LIVE!!!

Salamz...
its been sum tyme since i crap my lots here...
hahaha bz... more to like bz being lazy...
2nd sem`s up guys..
wat to do...
i dun know REALLY
yesterday i woke up the first thing in my mind was...
ahh.... 言ってちまった
wats with me...?
dunno...
i did sumthing stupid after sworing not to repeat the same fucking thing
over n over...
ahh lives just like that...
we repeat the same thing over,
i want to change deymit!!!
i wanna move forward ...

i have this ryhme;
mirror mirror on the wall, who is the hopeless of them all, deprived defeated soul?
whose sins scared the abyss`s wall, which love not to be fall...
whose name shouldn`t i call... in this nightmare`s hall...
fallen be it...
hail my mistress i bring thee good bad and all, for in this hall no name could be call,
for your love is tainted not to be fall... your sins scared the abyss`s wall for you;
are the defeated deprived soul, hopeless of the all...

wake me up.... please!!!....
i need to step back to reallity...
but can i witout biding gudbye to my fantasies....?

Allah help!!!
i dont want to rot any further...

数理ZERO

REALISM

askom...
woi lame giler tak lepak... giler ah... okey... todays suuri zero day... n i dun study... ...maa... its dat.. i DID study but... well im to familiar with it now tat... when i want to just look at it... i even know the answers sheesh... yesterday... chat with mom, fatt, leena, nila... aeem, baby, bob... pika? hahaha... miss the lots... but seriously no mud nak balek mesia... dun know why its just tat... ntah japan not so bad after all... kimatsu is coming n i still have no idea bout nething kes2... okay sambung blaja...
quote of the day "...ostacle exists whenever one fails to focus..."
hmm... true... but without it... we can will never grow up... so eventually obstacle is compulsory!!! hehehe... ok... need to hapal rumush!

penat seyh... （＞＿＿＜）

Bagi mengatasi kepenatan melaksanakan tugas-tugas seharian sama ada di
rumah mahupun di tempat kerja, bolehlah jadikan petua yang diajar
oleh Rasulullah s.a.w. kepada puteri kesayangannya Saidatina Fatimah
sebagai penawarnya.

Suatu hari Saidatina Fatimah mengadu kepada suaminya Saidina Ali bin
Abu Talib tentang kesakitan pada tangannya kerana keletihan menggiling
gandum untuk membuat roti. Saidina Ali berkata :

"Bapa kamu telah datang membawa balik tawanan perang. Berjumpalah dia
dan mintalah seorang khadam untuk membantu mu."

Saidatina Fatimah pergi bertemu bapanya dan menyatakan hasrat untuk
mendapatkan seorang khadam bagi membantu tugas hariannya di rumah.
Bagaimanapun Rasulullah s.a.w. tidak mampu memenuhi permintaan anak
kesayangannya itu. Lalu Baginda s.a.w. pergi menemui puterinya serta
menantu itu. Baginda s.a.w . berkata:

"Apa kamu berdua mahu aku ajarkan perkara yang lebih baik daripada apa
yang kamu minta daripadaku? Apabila kamu berdua berbaring untuk tidur,
bertasbihlah (Subhanallah) 33 kali, bertahmid (Alhamdulillah) 33 kali
dan bertakbir (Allahuakbar) 33 kali. Ia adalah lebih baik untuk kamu
berdua daripada seorang khadam."

Inilah penawar ringkas yang Nabi s.a.w. ajarkan kepada anak dan
menantunya bagi meringankan keletihan dan kesusahan hidup mereka
berdua.

Saidina Ali terus mengulang-ulang kalimah-kalimah Rasulullah.s. a.w.
ini.

Katanya "Demi Allah aku tidak pernah meninggalkannya semenjak ia
diajarkan kepadaku."

Sayugia dicadangkan kepada ibu-ibu, suami-suami atau sesiapa sahaja
yang merasai kepenatan setelah melakukan tugas-tugas harian supaya
mengamalkan membaca 'Subhanallah' (33 kali), 'Alhamdulillah' (33 kali)
dan 'Allahuakbar' (33 kali) pada setiap malam iaitu sebelum melelapkan
mata.

Lakukanlah dengan penuh ikhlas dan istiqamah (berterusan) , Insya-
Allah petunjuk Nabawi ini mampu menyelesaikan bebanan-bebanan hidup
seharian
kita. Akan terserlah ceria di wajah pada keesokan hari dengan
senyuman.

"Sebarkanlah ajaranku walau satu ayat pun"
(Sabda Rasulullah SAW)

"Nescaya Allah memperbaiki bagimu amalan-amalanmu dan mengampuni bagimu
dosa-dosamu. Dan barangsiapa mentaati Allah dan Rasul-Nya, maka
sesungguhnya ia telah mendapat kemenangan yang besar."

紫

assalamualaikum,
sensei aku penah kate... 紫 (purple) tu lambangnyer "Cinta"
tapi apakah benar aku ini dilamun cinta...
cinta???
mak aih jiwang seyh aku...
perasaan sungguh...
haha...
nih bukan cinta biase... acheeehhhhh....
memang nih bukan cinta biasa...
ini cinta aku padaNYA yang satu yang ESA...
aku actually spatut nya blaja... haha dari kol 8.30 td aku tangguh...
tapi ntah laa... tetibe, leka...alpa...
n tadi tersedar sedikit...
apakah betul aku mencintai NYA???
aku boleh jer kate "YA... yess i do... i love aJJ1 ... but is tat so???"
tapi ... sungguh... aku sayang agame aku...
i love Islam... i Really do...
bagi aku... kerna Islam lah aku maseh disini...
Kerna aJJ1 la aku sampai tahap aku skang nih...
percaye laa... aku tahu
seen it been there done tat dude...
aku tahu laa... keindahan hidayah, kalo yang aku rase tu btul2 pemberianNYA padaku
...aku...
sesungguhnya... antara manusia yang 最低laa...
aku... sedar aku siape... i know who i am... i realised wat ive done... did...
wat i want to do...
its... uhh... not pretty at all...
aku tau hati aku nak ape... aku tahu... and aJJ1 tahu...
sesungguhnye aJJ1 maha mengetahui...
aku yakin... aku pernah dan alhamdullillah aku tahu kemanisan dan keindahan
seswatu pemberian yang teragung, kasih sayangNYA...
kadang tu kita tak sedar tau...
kita putus harapan ni la tu laa...
tapi aJJ1 tak pernah bebankan hambaNYA dgn seswatu yang DIE tahu kite takleh tanggung,
so kalo ko rase ko betuah ... tak pernah bermasalah... pk lagi...
mungkin sebab ko sebenarnya LEMAH and tak mampu menanggungnya jika di uji...
tapi yang di uji pulak secare tak sengaja menyalahkan diri kewujudan diri... n... mungkin meletakkan blame to aJJ1 (astargfirullah....sape tau kan kite manusie....)
and kalo diuji act, kite dibersihkan dari dosa sume tu kan...
sorry la aku bab2 nih memang tak layak.... sungguh tak layak...
tapi saje nak bersuare... tak banyak kasi la chance aku bersuare...
tadi... ade sorang teman... haha...
aku sayang giler laa dak nih... die byklaa mengajar aku...thanks "Kame" hehe
you know who you are...hehe
aderla satu site tuu...
aku tak nak cakap aper...
aku mmg taknak konsi pun ngan korang...
menyedehkan amat...
aku kesian sangat ngan derang tuh
kesian teramat...
betape JAHIL nyer derang memperlekehkan agame aku...
senang jer...
camtu jer...
bertape MERDEKA nyer derang memperlekehkan agame aku...
tapi... disini ader kesedaran,
aku tersentak... nak marah derang ... tipu laa kalo aku tak maki hamun kan...
maki la jugak... tapi orang ketige sukela kalo aku maki maken banyak kan...
orang ketige huhu memang... memang... cam sial...
huhu.. maka tersenyumlah orang ketige aku memaki die sebentar tadi...
auzubillahiminashaittonirajim...
aku tersentak sebab per...
i just realised tat...
it`s us... its our stupidity tat brought us to this mess...
its out foolishness tat gave them power to laugh at Islam...
to start with... its us...
so , if we dont admit our own faults and if we still demand for respect if we ourselves dont deserve it... we will forever be played...
respect is sumthing...so... special... we need to respect others before we demand respect for ourselves... worst, respect is not something to DEMAND, its sumthing you GAIN...
so if we dont admit our faults and deal with them... we wont realise our weaknessess...
then we will forever be doomed...
bukan kate nak menagih respect or wat... but...
yeah kite kate bla bla bla... tapi kite tak hidup care tu...
and certain people terlalu extreme... padahal... Islam itu moderate... lepak...
dalam lepak die tegas...
LEPAK... tapi TEGAS...
kalo extreme....sgt kite mungkin terjadi riak n takbur... tapi sape la aku nak berkate2 kan
ilmu pun takder, so no comment... tapi aku nak gak comment sebab aku perasan
tapi sape nak dengar rintihan orang yang cam aku kan...
huhu...

求めることじゃだめ！！！

aku sayang ...
tande aku sayang... aku sedeh...
sebab aku sedar betape lemah nyer aku...
aku pun inginkan kasih sayangNYA...
tapi... layak kah aku?

wassalam...

-tetibe terfikir... ahh blaja blaja 勉強。。。がりべん！！！！

ahh...忘れちゃった

oho...
yeah did i mention tat i lost my wallet haha..
the stupity of me...
when i was changing beside the car... me with my foolishness...
i put my wallet n stockings on the car... haha...
n we went off with me forgetting all about it hahaha....
so.. when i realised about it... we were arriving haha... lame sial!!!
haha.. then abas-chan gave me 5 mins to change n get ready..
with my shorts n snoopy sweater i dashed...
and me abas-chan apeq went to the dam haha... to search for it...
huhu...
yeah lucky ive found it...
well in short...
感動laa...
good friends eh???
huhu... aJJ1 bless them be...
chiao...

昨日はおかしいなぁ。。。ke"tidaksengaja"an...

As`kum...
wow...wow...
yesterday was... WEIRD really...
As usual my day starts around 5.30am... aheh...
then i woke up... do wat ever i did, and went to 部活training...
well... i thought i was deymmm late but i was among the first to arrived...
haha...
well when i heard 森田さん`s voice i wus like... okay, i`m gonna do my best to day...
well.. dont know y, but loking at him so into it... i really wish i could be like him...
he wasn`t the reason why i entered trampoline...
it started when i saw キヤンちゃん flying ...
i was like... deym i wann fly too...
and then there`s him 森田...
he ... looking at him... i sense this feeling... okay not... like ...
but... you know, wow `he` does exist...
`he` here refers to 龍, my dream lover ( haha.. can i say tat???)
i didnt feel much at all but looking at him... makes me smile...
haha... his small built and slender... aerodynamic muscles...
すてきな筋肉。。。haha that`s wat 有said...
his hair is すんすん...spikey the way i like it... i know he doesnt always mandi duh...
jepun maa... but he has this FRESH look ...
his pale... and 冷たいlooking... just the way I LIKE IT...
hahar... then there`s his smile... and 瞳...
its not dark... its so light tat it seems you can see reflection in his eyes....
so so... innocent eyes... light brown... huhu... hazel like, so beautiful...
and when he smiles... it makes you wanna smile even more...
and his voice...
きゃあ。。。
hehe.. i jump... and this time jump according to basics so basically i returned to basic...
and yeah... i jumped higher... but it was scary coz it was so aerodynamic that you could feel you are cutting through the atmosphere... and when you looked down... GOD...
死ぬ死ぬ。。。
haha... i get a few injuries... well its because im reckless... duh me...
and i`m sumhow used to it... haha... it hurts... but im okay...
i remember the first time i experience a fall, i felt the tension at my back... i even heard the `cracking` sound of it.. uhh.. i had to wear supporter ... and i can`t even run...
now .. yeah i still endure tat kind of fall but 　何とかなれる...
aheh...
if my mom knows bout this ... i`m dead me...
you see the thing is tat... if i like sumthing... i dont really care bout myself...
as long as i have fun... even if my body is at stake.. hell i`ll take tat chance...
coz unlike the others... i can`t master nothing coz i`m like this jack of all trades...
master of NOTHING...
and there was this fall... haha... yeah back `cracks` again but im cool...
they put me to rest for a while with ice on my back haha...
then i went outing with my 先輩s...
huhu we went park golfing... and ... yeah it was deym addictive haha
on first trial... im not bad... hehe...
with average of 3-4 sumtimes 5 another time 6 haha...
yeah.. but first timer... okay wat haha...
and there`s this point when i could feel this tension... its tense...
i still feel it...
i do... may be i REALLY did fell... haha... i dont know... but theres this 苦しい feeling...
just by looking...
切望的...
well... when i heard my name being call out... my heart stops...
it hurts...

"kau buatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi...
kau terangi jiwaku kau gelapkan lagi,
kau hancurkan hatiku untuk melihatmu..."

huh... heck...
but i showed it... haha.. don`t try to test me honey, you`ll get a reaction...
and yeah...
haha... opps i did it again...???
yeah and i`m proud of it... Fuck laa... haha...
really i can`t give myself easily right?! gimme a break dude!!!
hehe...
and then we went to the dam...
i was really REALLY...　渋いなあ。。。
but WTF nobody bought any cams... hahaha... i took sum caps in my hp ...
そのぐらいだけ。。。
and we walk in the wilderness,,, i even cross a river...
haha.. it was fun...
but there was a prob when we tried to re-cross the river...
haha...
so me doing my THING ... tried to walk at the end of this bankment...
i underestimated the slippery of it... and the current...
i FELL... it was ... shet...
i thought i was gone... at least end up in a hospital or sumthing...
and yeah abas-chan got my back... thank god he realised...
haha... he acts like this BIG bro thing... haha... maybe coz im the liltlelest... and he didnt have nomore siblings after him haha... but i was greatfull...
but then it occured...
i lost imah`s purse during the FALL...
shit...
i felt like... fucking hell...??!!!
hoho... and there it happend haha..
spent told me to hold his `T&C surf design` jacket... and i was like...woh...
i knew it, he did it... haha... 予想通り...
he wnet searching for the purse in the cool drifts...
and later came I... well 責任持って！！！ huhu...
then came abas-chan...
and dip ourselves in the cold seraching for a simple purse all because of me falling...
but from fuck... it turned out to be fun... and 感動...
the meaning of FRIENSHIP...
really ...
the other group made of jedi,apeq n tikket made themselves a search patrol too...
haha... and apeq was the hero of the day... he found it...
i really... entahlaa...
my feelings at the moment...
i was lucky to have such good friends...
先輩より。。。お前たちは本当の友達とかんじた。。。
感動。。。giler...
and ima laa paling terharu ahah...
she told me... tat sumbody anggap her like a sis...
good laa... well... i can`t say nothing really...
all i can do is watch...
now, wat ever happens happens...
and wat ever happened...HAPPENED...

愛されたい　でも　愛そうとしない。。。

I thought my love is true... maybe i just wanna to believe in it...
hehe...

it was truely... truely... おもしろかった！！！
i never felt so... wow...
life gets more n more 微妙 here in 北見...
and i have another 5-6 years here...
huhu...
the people I`ve met... the peeps i will meet... and those i may not see them again...
these people revolves around me making my life as it is now...
there are more things going to come my way...
and I`m not gonna wait aimlessly...
they`re going to come and go some may leave marks... scars...
but what i know is tat... meeting them and knowing serve a purpose in my life...
they will teach me the meaning of living...
the meaning of friendship and betrayal...
trust hopes... and tears...
it will all come n go...
and all i have to know is that no matter how alone i may feel...
i`m never alone... the answers are there... i just have to solve the puzzle my self...
i may not be able to complete it for in this world one special piece belongs to someone else...
and tat special sumone`s missing piece is mine...
so until i meet who ever he/she is...
those around me will help me unslove this game of LIFE...
haha...
that is wat i learn...
seriously not only that...
物理実験,... these boys really wanted to help me although its 切望的...
well.. this is just the begining...
haha...
all i need to know now is tat... im not alone...
never alone... and if i am...
aJJ1 is always there... hehe...

thats all crapping for to day...

nak sambung blaja hoho...

p/s: can you be hurt just by looking at sumone???

http://azharahmad.com/blog/2007/05/07/dari-emel-sai-baba-nauzubillah-himinzalik/

nauzubillah-himinzalik... aJJ1 Huakhbar

http://azharahmad.com/blog/2007/05/07/dari-emel-sai-baba-nauzubillah-himinzalik/

guys... seriously, im kinda huh... speechless...
this is sumthing,
well,
to start with, aku bukannya tau sgt pon hal2 agame nih...
tapi sebagai renungan,
yang penting kesedaran...disusuli kekesalan....
diakhiri keinsafan amin...
aku... huhahuha gaks, solat pun ye tak ye jer... boley jer ter`skip` pulak tuu aiseymen...
posa pun... sekadar menahan kelaparan jer...
lam at aku,

25% hasat denki
20% logic
15% ego,
15% rasional
9.9% kemalasan;
n selebeh 15% tuu... kekosongan, kealpaan, angan2...

0.1% kesedaran n keinsafan...huhu.... 0.1% tuu... macam gas adi boleh ubah....
cam ner nih? tu laa.... risau gak aku ngan account aku kan...
pastu bace2 posting dr member, wahhh dunia dah jadik gini da sebena nyer...
sape tak gagap... sape tak terpk...
tapi tu laa... name dah Aku, cowboy sakan...
terpk... tapi sok luse... hehe... buwat balek mendelah same...
huhu...
saje nak memperingatkan diri...
lengkapkan gear ape yang patut.... keinginan tu ader tapi....
semangatnyer ntah kemane,

"if there is a will, there IS a way..."

やればいいんじゃねえ？

wassalam...

given 30 mins to crap

as`kum...
another Friday...
物理学実験いやだなあ。。。
でも今日なんか機械入門がある。。。楽しみ！！！
鈴木先生の研究なかなかカッコィ。。。
robot のやつ。。。いいんじゃねえそれ？！
まあ。。。いまさら。。。戻れない。。。
ふふん。。。来週、なんか工学英語中間試験があるらしい。。。
まあ。。。簡単なあ。。。かもんね、
でも簡単なやつでもなめんじゃ駄目って分かるだろう。。。
well, its us human...
wats up with EASY neways???
yeah so its easy but you can`t just see through it like its not there...
well if its easy, ...wats the purpose of the existence of this EASY thing???
it has a meaning... well it sorta struck my mind...
as easy as it gets, we are still HUMANs... bound to make mistakes...
no one`s perfect darlin`,
trust me... the easiest things if you look down to them could be you downfall...
been there done that hunney...
if its so easy then why, sumtimes you cant find the answers when its rite there in front of you...
in you reach,... we tend to look for sumthing that is not ours to begin with...
well its just a thought to constantly remind me not to be OVER confidence...
hey, we cant help it EGO rules our mind, and when it does...
your lust takes control of your heart and greed glutony envy will reign your desire...
there goes what ever you are doing...
yeah you may suceed depending to the circumstances, but you`ll loose sumthing prescious,...
friendships...brotherhood.... trust and the sense of content and belonging...
that is if your ego takes over you ...
your patience will crumble...
and patience is an essence of iman...it is half of your faith...
hmm...,考えると分かるだろう。。。
so, whatever you are doing...
take it seriously...even though its just crap ...
self reminder,
well you gotta love GOD and love urself...b4 you could learn to love others...
hehe...
ahh... bye2
late!!!

lieben Sie mich nicht

assalamualaikum....
wow... this is my first blog ever... haha not tat its special or wat... heck...
okay... seriously rite now i really dun noe wat to say...
but i promise a certain special sumone tat i`d dedicate her this first posting
well here goes nothing....
dear nanie;
maa.. thanks a bunch without you i was blind.... you`ve been my guide...
appreciate your support... since aaj eh? hehe it seems tat u n me....
we`re alike sum how... differ, but at sum prespective the same... don cha think?
huhu...
yeah...
全部を終らせるつもり。。。なんかこんなに混乱になるのは嫌だなあ。。。
やっぱりもっと大人にならなくていけないんなあ。。。
人生キツイだもんね。。。そうと思わない？
オレさあ。。。なんか。。。考えておくんだ。。。
今から自分しかできんやることがいっぱいあると気づいた。。。
神様に任せてばかりなんか。。。頼みすぎったんじゃねえか？
愛されたい愛されたいばかりだからなあ。。。
これちょっと気まずいなあ。。。今と前のオレは。。。もう違う感じと気づいた。。。
もう。。。愛なんか考えない。。。愛嫌だのことわけがないはずけど。。。
なんか今のオレは。。。愛なんか怖くなっちゃう。。。きずだらけ。。。
愛なんてつらいなあ。。。
でも。。。ほしいやんなあ。。。嘘ついていけないんだ。。。
愛誰でも欲しいがってるんじゃね？
でも。。。微妙に、。。。まあ。。。以外にといえばよいいかなあ。。。
今のうちに。。。愛なんか終らせたいん。。。
who will end it?... preferbly...me
i wanna end wat i`ve started... thats the best way...
if aJJ1 allows it... then i will end everything with my own power...
i`lll say gud-bye even though it`ll rip my heart...
i`ll smile eventhough... tears won`t dry...
何とかなるから。。。
自分のことを。。。やっぱり。。。自分を抱かなきゃ。。。
but yeah... there r sumthings tat dont end...
tat will never end...
It will go on n on... deeper...n deeper...till...you don`t realise it could get THAT far...
far beyond wat you`ve predicted...beyond your comprehension....
まあ、とにかく。。。人生は間単に。。。求めることじゃ駄目えっていって。。。
何とかなるけど。。。qada` n qadar　信じるでしょう？　それ。。。自分で変えられるから。。。
どんなにもつらくなって。。。あきらめずに、　定めを自分でセットして。。。
人生単にいかないだもんなあ。。。だから、 its okay to rebel your way through as long as you know n you TRUST yourself to God...that you ARE doing the right thing...

"If its meant to be ended... then with all your might end it with MEANING..."

well thats my crap for today....
hehe...

piece out earth!